Our first ultrasound, 2.0
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 10:42AM 
Yesterday brought the long-awaited (well, only awaited a couple of weeks, but really awaited in that time!) appointment with our doc who would do our first ultrasound. Technically, since I jumped the gun and went to the OB last Friday, it was our second ultrasound, but it would be our first that would show anything. And we saw... one little gestational sac! That was a bit of a surprise as I was expecting to see two, although our doc did say it was possible we will see a second next week if we had a late implanter. As for now, though, we have one little baby growing and looking good. There was a nice, round yolk sac inside the dark amniotic sac - you can see a bit it if you use your imagination on the right of the little dark sac above.
It took the rest of the day to adjust to the news that we have (only) one baby growing in my belly. As soon as I dropped Pete off at work after our appointment, I started feeling anxious. I think if we had seen two sacs I wouldn't have felt so nervous, but only one baby meant everything was riding on one little heart beat - or hopefully would be soon. We go back next week to hear it.
I remember well the morning we went for our 5-week ultrasound with our triplets last December. Seeing that there were three little people growing in my belly in that moment was simply amazing! I also remember our doc saying that at five weeks any embryo had a 20% chance of self-reducing, of not making it. Therefore, he said that we most likely would not have a triplet pregnancy, that there was a 60% chance that one of the three would not continue to develop into a baby. Obviously, that didn't happen and all three went on to grow healthily until e. Coli set in. I remember thinking at the ultrasound that I really wanted all three to make it, but at least if one wasn't strong enough to keep growing, we were very likely still going to have a pregnancy and babies to take home with us seven to eight months later. Yesterday seeing only one baby on the screen felt scary in comparison - which is ironic, as a singleton pregnancy is safer than one with multiples. My doc didn't say it, but the same 20% statistic applies. With our triplets, we had three healthy babies and got to take none home. Now we have one baby who we hope will be healthy and whom we hope we can bring home next summer. I will continue to stay positive and say lots of prayers for this little growing baby. But even with the positive thinking, yesterday was a little hard in this regard. (I came home and vacuumed and dusted the entire house - desperate attempt at maintaining some control, perhaps?? :))
Never having had a pregnancy with just one baby, I've spent all my baby-growing time thinking about dealing with the exquisite challenges of three newborns, toddlers, and kiddos going through all their milestones together. Part of adjusting to a singleton pregnancy also means adjusting to what may very well be a "normal" pregnancy. Seeing only one baby inside seemed so very prosaic. I feel badly saying that as most pregnant women carry singletons and give birth to incredible babies. I get so excited when a friend becomes pregnant or has a baby, and that has almost always involved just one baby. It is so exciting! But personally having a singleton pregnancy is a mental adjustment for me. I will be incredibly grateful for a pregnancy so innocuous that there would be no complications, a pregnancy so status quo as to have only one baby growing inside. I cannot count the number of times any of our doctors has said how we need to have a low-risk, complication free pregnancy and hit all the milestones. The lower-risk pregnancy, the better; according to our doctors, that means one baby is ideal and more than that would worry them. So one baby is a good thing, even if it is taking my heart some time to catch up with my head. :)
To help in that regard, I had a couple of emails today that helped me quite a bit. First was Nan, who reminded me that with the hernia I have, one baby inside is much safer. Funny how I forgot all about that, and good point. :) Then Cameron shared exactly what I wasn't saying about why yesterday was hard - that the last time I had a baby ultrasound, it showed Adam, Hope, and Charlie kicking away minutes before my surgery and only hours before they were born still. I guess there is a lot of latent emotion I carry when looking at an ultrasound with even the smallest of babies on the screen. And then Mary made my heart happy in sharing her late Godmother and Aunt's thoughts on having her twins. She said that while she loved every second of having twins, her only regret was that she was never able to just sit and stare or hold one for an entire nap time. That comment reminded me of why when Pete and I started talking about having kids, I initially had wanted our first baby to be a singleton. Despite always wanting multiples at some point in growing our family, I thought it would be so incredible to bond with that one little baby, stare into his or her eyes, solely focused on that special first baby who started our family. It won't be our first baby, and our triplets were the ones to start our family... but the rest of that little dream just may still come true. (Thanks for the help, girls! :))
We go back for another ultrasound next Monday when we hope to hear a heart beat. We also have an appointment next Friday with our perinatologist, so in the event we do not hear a heart beat on Monday, then we will have another chance to hear it in the window we should and before I go back to work the following Monday. If there is no heart beat next week, then this pregnancy would not look good... but of course that is not going to be the case!
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Reader Comments (11)
I never thought about what a change it is for you to have a single sac. I can understand how that would be a little scary. At the same time, I am so proud that you were able to see your friends comments and think positively! I am so very happy for you to have this chance to have a healthy pregnancy. :) I will be following along and sending you my very best!
Oh Kerry I am SOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you! I know waht you mean about the adjustment from multiples to a singleton. I think for us we still mourn the loss of that experience. But weather it be one or two, I will be here cheering you for 9 "boring" months :) !!! xx
Its comforting that you took something I said and it helped you :) I know its a big adjustment, and I know you are already in love :) I would love to release balloons with you! I'll get it together :) Hugs and love, Nan xo
Kerry and Pete i'm just catching up on your last 2 posts and wanted to say a HUGE congratulations! I'm so pleased you're pregnant in the most 'complication free' way possible!
I hadn't thought about the mental adjustment for you to 'only' having one either. I'd just assumed you'd be over the moon and excited with a pregnancy full stop (which of course you are!).
Grace, Hope and Adam will always be in your heart and prayers. But for now i'll pray that this Baby Coyne Pregnancy goes without a hitch!
Wishing you all the best.
xxx
Yay! What a beautiful pic to see when I opened your blog. I am so happy that all is looking good. Of course, you have very mixed emotions about it all. I just hope that you are holding a baby in your deserving arms in about 8 mos.
Am I crazy, or is there a possible second sac to the left of the main one? It looks exactly like one of my triplet sacs. Natalie's sac most likely. I am hoping the week flies by and you see one heartbeat and maybe two on Monday.
Best,
Becky
I never thought about the adjustment, but thanks to your words, I think I understand. Hugs.
My first reaction to reading that you've got a single gest and yolk sac was relief. This baby has a much better chance. Adam, Hope, and Charlie need a healthy baby sibling.
I miss all my embryos (multiple cycles). I wish I could have and raise them all. But I also realize that the IVF baby snuggled in my belly is much better off alll by herself. Twins would have been too risky for me.
You expressed so many of the very same things we went through at the start of this pregnancy--to a tee! I understand everything you wrote, Kerry, I really do. I will say that as time goes on, I get more and more excited to have ONE baby to focus all of our attention on, to bond with and grow more and more attached to. I keep thinking about how that one little guy is getting the benefit of every ounce of nutrition my body is pumping his way, of how much less likely he is to face prematurity and the very real risks and set-backs associated with that...and it makes me feel better. Given what you experienced your first time around, I'm actually pretty relieved to hear that you're currently pregnant with one wee rock star of a baby. I've heard too many stories of twin pregnancies gone awry (not as risky as triplets, that's true, but I've still encountered too many moms who suffered losses through twin to twin transfusion or other issues to think that a twin pregnancy is "no sweat"!). I'm thrilled for you all and will be sending all kinds of positive thoughts and wishes in your direction that this little embie continues to thrive and grow!
I understand completely and even though I am preggo with twins, there is still a sense of loss. Nothing can replace the experience of expecting triplets. I feel blessed to be carrying two but I know the risks are much higher. I haven't had any excitement over the fact we are carrying twins unless it is from perfect strangers as our family and friends fear it will be another risky pregnancy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a happy and healthy pregnancy and you have that beautiful frostie just waiting on ice to join your family!!
Praying for you and your little one.
Dearest Kerry and Pete,
Oh boy, I am so happy for you and Pete. God bless you, Pete and the baby. God works in mysterious ways and has granted you a miracle. You are very loved, blessed and prayed for. I am soooooooo
excited for you and will continue to pray for you, Pete and the baby.
Let me know how you are doing and if you might have time to have dinner one evening with me and possibly Christa.
I have not shared this igodd news with anyone in the office.
Fran
18 months after my 12 lbs. baby was born I had hernia surgery. It's easier on the body not to be carrying 12 lbs. of baby (like twins) but I carried a 6 lbs. baby in the next pregnancy with a big swath of surgical mesh reinforcing my abdominal muscles. So how about one this time, and twins next pregnancy? :D